just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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