When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
