You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
