...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
