If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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