I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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