i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
