The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
