i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
