In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
