Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
