The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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