Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
