You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
