yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
