and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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