I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
