I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
