He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
