Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
