What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
