Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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