i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
