Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
