The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Too much gin, very little bucket
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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