Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
