Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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