Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
