All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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