clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
