chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
