so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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