if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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