I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
