4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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