So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
