Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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