we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
