Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
