the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
