So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
