i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
