They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
