I smell stomach acid.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
