Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
