Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
