Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
