dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
