I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
