Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we made out on top of his cat.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
