You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
