I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
