I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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