Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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