Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
