I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
