are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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