It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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