I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
