the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
