I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Randomize
