I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
