Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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