dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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