Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I need to calm my uterus...
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
